Hayden's top ten

So, we're neck deep in the plague around here, and it's totally my fault. I was off this whole week, and Hayden really doesn't do well day after day at home, so, even though her buddy, Maria was just getting over the flu, we went out together on Wednesday. Maria was sick Sunday into Monday, and we had been over there on Sunday, so we figured if Hayden didn't already catch the bug, she'd be fine. And then, as if that wasn't tempting fate enough, yesterday we visited another friend who is on medication for an ear ache. The reality though is that Hayden probably caught this from licking a grocery cart or something.

Whatever the case, last night at 11pm Hayden woke up with all the telltale signs of croup. She sounded awful, wheezing and barking, and she was terrified. We got her into the bathroom and turned on the steam full blast, called the doctor just to see what to watch for, and basically resigned ourselves to a long night. She said "Daddy" constantly, but she didn't actually want Daddy, so we decided to let him sleep while I did a circuit course around the house.

Kitchen for the sippy cup that she'd push away after crying for it. Bedroom to rock in the chair that squeaks so loudly it drove us both to distraction. Bathroom to sit on the floor watching Brainy Baby on the tv I dragged in there, steam going full blast, hot to the point that it messed up one of the windows in there. And then, to the living room to sit on the couch watching random middle of the night tv. I know the Cartoon Network has a moral obligation to appeal to the stoner public in their late night programming, but nothing says desperation like having your kid watch barely concealed animation porn at 3am. This is when On Demand would be a godsend.

From 11pm to 4am, Hayden didn't sleep. At all. And every time I drifted off on the couch, she'd poke me and wheeze out, "No! Off" and insist that I get up and move her to the next location on her agenda. It was like being on a forced march. Finally, at 4am she fell asleep on top of me on the bathroom floor watching farm animals on her baby video. She's been obsessed with roosters for a long time now, and by the grace of God, there was a whole rooster segment in this one. It relaxed her enough to put her out. For three hours anyway.

She was back up at 7am, but Brian took her for that shift. He had to go to work though, so from about 10am on Hayden busied herself projectile vomiting, and I chased her around with paper towels. This is when wide pine flooring in the bedroom feels like a decidedly bad idea. I still haven't really tackled the aftermath of that one.

We managed a record nine clothing changes between us. It was like Baby Flu Catwalk, a new outfit every fifteen minutes. I learned a few things though. First, never dress a puking kid in a onesie. The only thing worse than being covered in vomit, is being covered in vomit, reaching down the vomit covered pants of your child to unsnap them. Also, if the barfing kid wants to watch 14 straight hours of tv, let her. Upsetting her just makes it worse, and in the end, you'll give up anyway, only by then you'll reek of baby puke.

Hayden became quite the tv critic today over the course of her 14 hours. Here are her top ten baby shows, worst to best. The worst left her wheezing out "Nuh No" and saying "All Done" in baby sign language. The best had her lifting her sweaty little head and applauding. The ones in the middle are ranked according to how long she left them on before she insisted on something new, and on how many times she was willing to rewatch them over the course of the day.

Top Ten Baby Shows According to Hayden:
10. The Wiggles (That is one creepy show. I took it as a good sign that she was afraid of the pedophile looking pirate)
9. Dora the Explorer
8. Word World
7. Sid the Science Kid
6. Curious George
5. Yo Gabba Gabba (Now, that's a stoner show. The Andre 2000 DJ in a leisure suit? The Gabba Gabbas that live in a retro 80s Boom Box? It's good stuff. I think it would have beat out Elmo's World if the whole plot of this one hadn't revolved around the bathroom. Hayden was just too traumatized by the steam room experience to want to spend more time vicariously in the bathroom)
4. Elmo's World (not the rest of Sesame Street, just Elmo's World. What's with Mr. Noodle though? He's not someone I'd ever want my child spending time with.)
3. Backyardigans (All the colorful kid appeal of Barney without the creep factor)
2. Wonder Pets. (They're just cool. Who doesn't love a chick in a WW2 Flying Ace hat?)
1. Classical Baby: The Music Show. Grand Prize Winner, hands down.

And now, 21 hours later, Hayden is sleeping soundly. Let's just hope this lasts.