Do I Wake Her?

Hayden took a 20 minute nap at daycare today. That's 20 minutes out of an 8 hour day. So, when we got home, I gave her a bottle and put her down for a nap at 5pm, which is the normal time for her late afternoon nap, when she takes one. She went down without a fight, which is rare, and now, three hours later, she's still asleep. I thought about waking her up, but I really am of the belief that you never wake a sleeping baby, but now I'm afraid her little clock will be completely off. I don't see how she can sleep through the night this way, since she didn't have dinner, but I don't know about waking her, since it's technically her bedtime now. And, yes, I did go in to make sure she's still breathing. I wonder if that impulse will ever be quelled, or if I'll be doing that when she sleeps in on college break.

On the plus side though, I got about 15 senior portfolios graded. 15 down, 120 to go.

I'm in a funk

Truth be told, I've been in a funk for a while. Our yard is straight out of the Clampets, and I'm developing a real complex that we're "those people". You know, the people whose house you walk by and you just can't help but think, "why, in the name of God, don't they pick up the crap in their yard." The worst part is that we live in a walking neighborhood, so people really do stroll by and think, and probably say, "why is there an outhouse in the side yard?" or "what is that huge, rotting archway to nowhere?" or, "why don't they cut up all the trees that have fallen all over the property?" And really, these are all valid questions. The answer is in the form of a two foot tall person, and the two adults who just can't seem to get their act together enough to work around her crazy, tyrannical schedule.

So, I'm in a funk. I want this cleaned up, and I know in my heart of hearts that it may not happen for months. I might just figure out the chain saw and take a go at it myself next weekend. I mean, how hard can it be really?

In other Bear Cub related news, she's standing now. Honest to God standing. It's crazy.

Hell Hath No Fury

One of my students is being ignored by her friends. It's a long, disturbing story that I can't and won't get into here, but suffice it to say, she's hurt. A year ago, I would have felt badly for her, but now it raises some kind of mommy viper in me, and I just want to tear into the kids who are hurting her. This is a girl I have a special bond with, and I admit that I'm protective of her, but I had no idea just how much of a mother bear I have in me. I didn't do anything, or say anything to those awful kids, and I won't, but it did make me think. If I'm this passionate about a student's hurt feelings, how on earth am I going to handle it when Hayden gets her feelings hurt? I've already gotten my feelings hurt on her behalf once, and it wasn't pretty. I just don't know. I'm glad I have a few years (I have a few years, right?) before I really have to deal with this.

Mother's Day Continued

We went to the zoo! Hayden was terrified of the sheep. They're used to being fed those little petting zoo pellets, so they run right over and nuzzle in. She was not cool with that. She cried and clung to me, and I have to admit, in a little corner of myself, I really cherished that. She's not a big cuddler, so when she snuggles in, no matter the reason, I embrace it. (Pun somewhat intended). I'm not saying I plan to torture the kid with wildlife to get my mommy on or anything, but I do really love that I get to be the comforter sometimes. I love being the mommy who can make it all better. Of course, just getting her away from the sheep made it mostly better.

What did she like? The wolverine. I kid you not. That's what she got into. She couldn't get enough. She laughed and squealed and flapped her arms. She just thought it was the coolest thing ever. That and the big turkey. She clung to the chain link fence until we pried her little hands off, she was so into the big, gobbly turkey.

It was a perfect zoo day, springtime with little baby animals everywhere, nursing and being groomed by their mommies. A nice family outing.

And on the way home, we stopped for wine tasting. That was fun too.

Mother's Day Weekend

It's my first mother's day, and I've realized a few things. One, I have more fun shopping for things for Hayden than I ever had shopping for myself. Today we went to a huge baby gear and clothing sale in Portsmouth. We got a baby size life jacket (for the pool and/or the pontoon boat we'll be going out on this summer for the hypnobirthing picnic), a Nantucket T-Shirt, a few other cute outfits, a new sling (since I lost mine), a great big toy that really doesn't need to be in out living room but Hayden loves it, and, perhaps coolest of all, little tiny "bear feet" slippers that match the ones I've had for years. We had a ball...oh, speaking of balls, Hayden fell in love with a little ball filled with glitter, so we got it for her at the toy store. I just can't resist her gummy little smile.

Today was a great day. We spent the day with friends, saw other friends at the sale, and just had an easy, fun time. Brian cooked me a wonderful dinner as part of my Mother's day weekend festivities, and we're settled in for the night to watch Juno. Nothing says Mother's Day like a movie about teen pregnancy.

The Exedus

Right now I commute almost 40 minutes to work, and while that's not as bad as it probably could be, it's not fantastic. This year we also discovered that my vacations will never be the same as Hayden's, since I teach in a different state. So, I figured I'd send out an application to the one school in the area that I could see myself teaching at. None of that is snobbery, it's just that with out expenses, I can't afford to take a pay cut and most of the schools around here just don't pay all that well. So, I found my ideal school, 6 minutes from home, same vacations as Hayden and the same salary (or very close anyway) and I applied.

The interview was great. There was a team of eight interviewers and they asked interesting, albeit difficult questions. One asked me to talk about a lesson that went badly. I figured, what the hell, I'll give them my train wreck. I told them about the time I was being observed and I decided to have the kids try to identify the context and speakers of various quotes from Macbeth. My supervisor was taking copious notes as my kids grappled with the quote, "I have given suck and know how tender tis to love the babe that milks me, yet I would, while he was smiling in my face, have plucked my nipple from his boneless gums and dashed the brains out, had I so sworn as you have done to this." The kids got caught up on "the babe that milks me" and you can just imagine where it went from there. The worst part was, they weren't even trying to be obnoxious, they honestly thought it was about a good blow job. Nice. Needless to say, it was an interesting post-conference with my supervisor.

So, score two for me....I was honest about a failure, and I managed to recite a soliloquy from Macbeth all in one fell swoop. They liked me.

And today, they offered me the job. A great thing for me I think, and certainly a solid step for the life of the family.

Our little acrobat

Why won't my child just lay on the changing table like a normal baby? The first time she ever crawled, it was to get off the table and now she's out of control. Honestly, it's like trying to dress a wet squid. Most of the time now we just put her on the floor so she doesn't roll off the table, and then we try to snap her into her onsie as she crawls across the nursery. I say we because it takes two of us most of the time. It's an event. Oh, and why do the makers of baby pajamas make them with snaps? I swear, snaps on a spazzy babies are the creation of the devil. And, if you mess them up, you have to start over, or risk having the baby end up with two feet in one leg of her pjs. Zippers people. Zippers.

You know you're a mom when...

A kid can throw up in class and you don't even bat an eye. Too bad she barfed on the kids' senior portfolio papers, and my 165 page practicum portfolio. Poor kid. We couldn't leave the room because there was nowhere to go, and I couldn't clean up because we only have one working bathroom on our side of the school. Overall, a pretty lousy afternoon. But, on the bright side, I'm so used to it by now, it didn't phase me. Yup, I'm a mom.

If you want to lift the mood, bring a baby to a funeral

Our close friend Corning died this past week. He had been in the hospital for a while, but I think we all kind of thought he'd get through it and go back to being the same old Corning, strolling around town, napping in every antique store, and greeting every dog by name throughout the town. But, it didn't work out that way.

The wake was Friday night and the funeral was yesterday at the church Corning's uncles founded around 100 years ago. We knew we'd bring Hayden with us to both the wake and the funeral. Corning loved her, and he'd want her energy there (especially since we're good about taking her out of situations when she does fuss or cry). At the wake, she entertained the troops with her gummy smiles, and she was a nice distraction from the heavy sadness of the occasion.

The funeral yesterday was held at a gorgeous church in Lynn, MA, almost a mini-cathedral. It was probably Corning's favorite place in the world, aside from his bench by the water in Marblehead. The service was beautiful. Corning's submarine buddies lined the walk outside, and the place was full, which is a real testament to the effect Corning had on the people around him. A soloist sang, and Hayden stared at the stained glass windows and craned her head to see the singer. I broke down at one point, and she looked over at me with such old soul eyes, it was as if she just got it on some profound level. By the end of the service Hayden had fallen asleep listening to the people talking about Corning and singing songs in his memory.

We all went to the cemetery after the service, and people stopped on the street to watch the procession; there were at least thirty cars following the hearse. It was pouring, so we covered Hayden with blankets and an umbrella, and she chewed on my watch while we stood for the service. The Navy played taps and presented the flag to his sister, and the Masons crept in, as is their custom apparently, and they gave a short presentation before disappearing away into the mist.

It was probably the hardest goodbye I've had to say, since Corning was the closest thing I really had to a grandfather; but I feel blessed to have had him in my life. He gave Hayden a very old book of children's stories shortly before he died, and I'll be sure to tell her where they came from, and she'll hear Corning Stories through the years. I just wish she could have known him longer. He was one of the most caring, genuinely good people I've ever known. He will be missed.